This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Spoiler alert: this is a rant post, probably about feminism. I don’t know why you’re surprised, frankly.

So, earlier last week a video of a woman walking around New York City getting catcalled went viral. You know what I’m talking about so I am not going to explain the video. It was met with vehement backlash from the extremely vocal Women Against Feminism (WAF) community, and its A Voice for Men (hereafter referred to as AVFM) minions. It sparked a fire in me that just had to rant about a few things this week.

If you have never had the privilege of conversing with these people, count yourself lucky – the anti-feminist circle jerk on Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, Tumblr, and Imgur is sometimes almost too much to bear. Because, as we all know, (according to AVFM and the WAF movement), feminists are men hating, baby killing sluts, that want to crush the patriarchy and take over the world all while somehow managing to tame their long, luxurious armpit hair. And according to many, we are well on our way! Didn’t you know? There’s a whole movement that has been started globally to destroy and kill all the men.
Or so they tell me on the “internet.”

Which is obviously a bunch of bullshit, needless to say. Recently, I was kindly linked by a very vocal anti-fem (as I will call them from now on) to an article about a group of people that actually wanted to kill all men. “SEE!?” they shout at me, “see how your feminist brethren want to kill all the men!? How do you not know that the true definition of feminism is, by nature, inherently anti-male?”

Whoa whoa whoa. Hold on there. I must have missed the kill all the men memo at our weekly “crush the patriarchy” jamboree. For you see, us feminists don’t actually want to kill the men. Some of us even are men. All we want is to be treated equally, and fairly, around the world, at the same level that most men in the Western world are. Is that so much to ask? Apparently, it is. Because apparently, by calling yourself a feminist, you are being sexist right off the get go, because it means you are only paying attention to the problems facing half of the world. Because in reality, the wage gap is a myth, rape culture isn’t real, and women in the western world have never had things better than they do right now.

But that’s not true, is it. For example, I myself care very much about the entire world, including issues that face men every day, like a higher rate of incarceration for the same crimes committed by women in North America, the huge debate on Father’s Rights, and the high rates in male homelessness, to name a few.

I’m not going to talk about the wage gap or rape culture. I’ve already talked about rape culture in an earlier blog, and talking about the wage gap is pointless, because the non believers’ argument is just as ridiculous as the “all feminists want to kill all men” argument – the wage gap isn’t as big as reported by the Obama administration. Which always makes me laugh. As John Oliver put it, if you shit on my desk, it doesn’t matter what the size of the shit is – you still shit on my fucking desk.

So – catcalling, my original subject. And approaching women on dating media applications, while we’re here. The treatment of women online and on the streets or in bars is sometimes appalling. It happens quite frequently. I hear it from my friends that are bartenders, I myself have had some gems sent my way on OkCupid and the like, and as we all know, it happens on the street when you’re just trying to live your damn life. And here’s the thing. No – not every guy does shit like this. This is true! And in fact, it’s so true, that there’s really no need for anyone to reiterate that fact every time someone brings up these issues.
If you don’t harass women online, or say completely inappropriate shit to them on the street or in bars, good for you. Give yourself a pat on the back. And then shut the fuck up. Because we are not talking about those that don’t do it. We are talking about those that do. So stop derailing the conversation because you want to make it clear that not everyone and their mum’s dog does this shit. Because we already know that. Listen to what these people have to say.

But wait! Hold on a minute! Women wouldn’t care if the men were attractive.
Which is so ri-god-damn-dicuous it makes my brain want to explode. I don’t care if you are the best looking guy on earth. If you are harassing someone online or in person, it still makes you a class A douche waffle, and no one wants any of that.

But wait! Hold on a minute! They are just saying hello, and that’s not a big deal. Whatever happened to being friendly? So, if you’re just saying hello, then why not do it to guys, too? (Side note, this argument started a fantastic twitter campaign)
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I guess, the bottom line of my rant here is that I am getting pretty sick and tired of the stigma that anti fems have attached to feminism these days, and every time a campaign comes out to bring attention to an issue, such as the catcalling one, everyone decides that it’s time to derail the conversation, and burn those at the stake that would have you discuss issues that are in desperate need of discussion.

So the next time some stranger on the internet tells you to patronisingly “keep fighting princess,” you say this:

- J.M.

(My Anaconda Don’t) Want Your Body Image Bullshit

I was walking outside today, working my ass off, trying to sweat out some negativity, when I remembered that one of my friends recently told me that it was about time for me to “write a new damn blog post already.”

I was just about to hit the 3km mark when Anaconda by Nicki Minaj came on my so accurately titled “workout” playlist. Now don’t get me wrong. I love this damn song. It’s hilarious. It’s catchy. When I am pissed off, it’s a great distraction for me. I am guilty of blasting it in my car like an idiot. But then I started to listen to the lyrics. “Fuck you if you skinny” is repeated a few times in the song, and it got me thinking about body image again. Another catchy song that is also on my playlist, All About That Bass by Meghan Trainor, also has similar sentiments that have become all too mainstream: real women have curves. Literally, “fuck you if you are skinny.” Skinny shaming is just as bad as fat shaming people. I was trippin’ on some dumb shit. I was going to write about body image. Again.

If you don’t know me, you probably don’t know what I look like (unless you are a crazy glasseyeproject stalker which I don’t think I have so I’m going to assume you don’t). I am not skinny. I love food.
I’ve often said that I could live off of Doritos for the rest of my life and be completely happy. But that is not how life works. Doritos would not be adequate sustenance.

Last September, I started a weight loss journey that I am still on today. To date, I have lost almost 50 pounds and 20 inches all around, and am happier than ever to have achieved that through hard work, staying focused, and being determined. But here’s the thing: I did it for me. I didn’t do it because I felt like I had to for someone else, or for society. I did it because I wanted to be able to go hiking and not be out of breath, I wanted to do it because I felt ashamed that I couldn’t walk up a few flights of stairs without being winded. And what’s worse, whenever I said that I was in fact, fat, be it to friends or strangers, I was always told that I wasn’t. But I was. And I still am! And that’s okay! Why? Because I am happy!

When I was growing up, I often got picked on for my size. I was always taller and bigger than my other classmates. To the point that even when I stopped being bullied, I was easily offended by the most asinine things.
It took me almost twenty five years to become comfortable in my own body. I have not yet reached my goal, but I feel comfortable. Why? Because I simply stopped caring about what other people thought about my appearance, or what Western society deemed beautiful. Because at the end of the day, you shouldn’t be doing anything for anyone else. You should be doing it for you. 

As long as you are healthy happy. Because although health is something that is extremely important, even in our society, being “healthy” has suddenly become synonymous with  a certain body image. I’ve seen it time and again all over the internet, someone undergoes a weight loss transformation and they are told they are not healthy yet because they don’t fit into some sort of pre agreed upon category of what healthy actually looks like.
Healthy does not fit into a category, big or small. So don’t start shaming someone for not fitting into the rigid “health” category that has suddenly sprung up. Because you are probably not a doctor, and shouldn’t be going around giving health advice to strangers on the internet or in real life. So fuck off. If you do that. Yeah. Stop it. Live your own damn life and stop trying to push your values on other people. What other people do with their bodies literally does not affect you at all. Unless you run the tests, you can’t really tell by looking at someone if they are healthy or not, except in extreme cases.

Stop popularising body shaming. Through song, poster, whatever, I see it everywhere. It’s bullshit. Stop it. “Real women have curves.” Stop. “You should be healthy (as long as it fits into my rigid idea of what healthy looks like)” cut it out. Just be happy with who you are and what you are doing in your life and stop worrying about what other people are doing. And stop trying to push your ideas of what beauty are on other people. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so unless you pull my eyes out and stick yours in, we probably don’t have the same idea of what constitutes beauty.

If we could all just go ahead and stop shaming people for their bodies, and worse, popularising it and making it mainstream, that would be great.

7 Bad Ass Women (You’ve Probably Never Heard Of)

History is filled with bad ass people that are remembered for their bad assery. But more often than not, there are many women whose contributions to history as we know it go overlooked. So here are a few examples of some bad ass women that you may have never even heard of.

Lyudmila Pavlichenko
Who is she? Pavlichenko was a Soviet sniper during the Second World War, only becoming one after Germany began to invade the Soviet Union.

Why is she bad ass? Not only did she have to drop school to become a sniper, she is credited with 309 official kills, making her the most deadly woman in history with a gun. And after the war? She went back to school to finish her degree in history, becoming a historian, and later continuing a career in the navy. Plus, there are official stamps with her face on it. And stamps are cool.

Yu Fang
Who is she? Yu-fang (back left) was a concubine to a high ranking Chinese warlord General.

Why is she a bad ass? Well, Yu-fang was not a concubine for long. Born to a poor family and having her feet bound at the age of two, Yu-fang’s father essentially sold her into marriage to a General, where eventually she conceived a child with the General. Knowing that she would not be able to herself raise the child (those responsibilities went to the General’s wife) she fled on foot – with bound fucking feet, from the General’s home, daughter in hand, and lied about the child, telling the General the child had died. On his death bed, the General granted Yu-fang her freedom. She eventually fell in love and married.

Amantine-Lucile-Aurore Dupin

Who is she? Better known as George Sand, she was a French novelist

Why is she bad ass? Sand not only failed to adhere to the feminine standards of her time (she frequently wore men’s clothing and openly smoked tobacco in public), she was an exquisite novelist, and a total fox, having affairs with people like Frederic Chopin. Many in her time would seek to constrain her, even so far as calling her a slut (seriously), but she did not let it happen, making her a pioneer in feminism.

Rosalind Franklin
Who is she? She was a British chemist and x-ray crystallographer. Scientist. She was a scientist.

Why is she bad ass? Long story short, her research led to the discovery of the DNA double helix, among a shit load of other stuff. Why don’t you know about her? Probably because the two scientists that went on to discover the model of DNA failed to give her research much, if any, credit to the discovery. I’m not gonna say it’s because she was a woman… but it was because she was a woman. Probably. Considering being a female scientist was still extremely taboo at the time.

Hyeonseo Lee
Who is she? Hyeonseo is a North Korean defector. She currently lives in South Korea.

Why is she bad ass? Well, I don’t think I really need to explain that, considering the amount of effort and danger involved when anyone tries to escape North Korea (best Korea). It is difficult for me to put into words why I empathise so much with North Koreans; Hyeonseo explains how she was raised thinking that North Korea was the best country in the world, other countries were the enemy, and she grew up singing songs about the greatness of her home country. Watching executions was a normal occurrence. Not questioning everything was normal. It was not until the famine hit in the nineties that she realised how difficult things were in her country. She escaped to China where she was often questioned on the legitimacy of her background – eventually she escaped China to South Korea, and became an activist, but not without constant fear about what would happen to her family, who were still living in North Korea.

You can watch her heart wrenching story here:

(Many North Korean defectors spend time hiding in countries such as China – you can find out more information and donate money at

Phoolan Devi
Who is she? Phoolan, known as the “Bandit Queen” of India, was a, you guessed it, bandit.

Why is she bad ass? During her time in the gang, there was a skirmish for leadership and Phoolan was raped. Her sect of the gang later lined up twenty two people, including the two men that raped her, and killed them all. I am not condoning murder – however, it does take one bad ass SOB to chase down their own rapists, and kill them. She spent eleven years in jail and subsequently ventured into politics, but was assassinated in 2001.

Josephine Baker
Who is she? Baker was an American (later French citizen) who was famous for her singing and acting (and sometimes dressing up like a sexy banana – see above).

Why is she a bad ass? Baker was the first African American to be cast in a motion picture. But that is just the tip of the iceberg. During WWII, she worked in secret for the French, collecting information from German troops at parties, embassies, and other gatherings, after the Nazi invasion of France. Not only that, she then began travelling around Europe and North Africa doing the same, collecting information for the Allied troops. She was basically the female version of 007. After the war, she was appalled to find herself shut out of many hotels in America because she was black, prompting her to be a staunch supporter of the civil rights movements, and refusing to perform at segregated clubs.

What “Women Against Feminism” Taught Me

If you don’t know what Woman Against Feminism is, it is exactly what it sounds like. It’s trending on twitter right now (ironically, though, it is mostly men that are utilising the hashtag…) and I learned some things in the past few days from Women Against Feminism. For example:

The Illuminati created feminism. 
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You can’t be a feminist AND have a boyfriend (unless he beats you? Then maybe you’re a feminist? Still unclear). 
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So happy!

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It is fun… were it true.

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I.. what?

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Rape is a joke! 

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(This was actually after this particular netizen told me to “bend over and get some vaseline because I was going to need it. He has since deleted that tweet, I looked very hard to find it so that I could screen shot it for this blog post.)

Feminists want to kill all men. ALL THE MEN. >:S

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Feminism says that all women are victims.

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And the cherry on the cake:

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You learn something new everyday.









17 Quotes That Will Give You Goosebumps

I love books. I love quotes. I spend half of my life reading and the other half thinking about reading. It’s just something that I do. After some five seconds of consideration I decided to share my most favourite quotes ever (in order of how much I love them) with my blog readers. So here it is!

– Daisy, The Great Gatsby 


















- J.M

Why “Women Against Feminism” Is Ri-God-Damn-Diculous

A different title for this blog post could have been Why “Women Against Feminism” Makes Me Want To Scream, Escape to the Forest, and Live Out My Days as a Hermit but that seemed too long. Anyways.
Women Against Feminism. It is a Facebook page and Tumblr account that is quickly gaining more likes and follows on a daily basis, currently hovering around the 8,000 mark. Its goal? To perpetuate the negative stigma that is currently associated with the term feminism, and those that self identify as feminists. All feminists are man hating, no armpit shaving, bra burning, loud mouthed, victims of the “patriarchy” that currently controls the world we live in.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I understand that, much like every other social or political ideology, there are extremists. That is just how the world works. Feminism is no exception to this rule. There are extremists, what the world has come to call “Femanazi’s” or “RadFem’s” that seemingly shout louder and stomp harder than the rest of us feminists. Unfortunately, at every opportunity to explain that those radicals are not part of the true movement, feminists like myself are always told that they represent the movement now, because we are not doing enough to quiet them. Well, excuse me for not barging into their homes and silencing them, whatever that means. But I will try to shout louder. That is what I am trying to do here, anyhow.
But it seems to me, and anyone else who is keeping score, that those of us who truly identify as feminists and support equal rights for everyone far outnumber the radicals in the movement. But more often than not, people are unwilling to pay attention to those attempting to make sense and push for change because they are distracted by those who are making a fuss over something completely ridiculous. Much like I have spent the past day looking at this stupid Facebook page – because it enrages me – people will pay attention to radicals.

My main issue with Women Against Feminism is their continued misconception of what feminism actually is. Enter the page and you are confronted with a host of pictures, most, if not all, in a “woman holds up piece of paper near face with scribble on it” fashion common amongst teenagers on the internet. Most of the signs say things like “I am not a victim,” “I am not objectified by our society,” or “I don’t need feminism because I love being a wife” and all that jazz. Which is cool. That’s great that you think those things. But you know what? I am a feminist, and never have I ever played the victim. Why? Because that is not what feminism is about. Can you be a victim? Absolutely. Much like someone that loses their home in a hurricane is a victim of that storm, someone can be a victim of rape or oppression. Does that mean every single woman on earth therefore is a victim? No.  And you know what? Feminism and feminists do not claim this, either. (P.S., you can be a feminist and a wife. It’s not an either or situation.)

So when someone claims that feminism is an obsolete ideology because they themselves have never been oppressed, which is EXACTLY what is happening on this Facebook page, well, as you can imagine, it makes me want to do something like this:
Just because you yourself have never personally felt victimised or been marginalised for being a woman, does not mean that other women have not. And in case you want some examples, look outside of your own backyard. Look at other countries, and tell me that feminism is obsolete. Because, after all, feminism is about having choice. And women all over the world still don’t have that as an option.

But wait! Feminism is sexist! Because it is FEMinism. Amiright?

No. No you are not right. Feminism of course has the “fem” in it because women have been and continue to be marginalised all over the god damn planet, and if you for a second would like to argue, much like this Facebook page does, that that is not true, you need to take a moment, step back, and look the fuck around. I feel like I am beating a dead horse at this point, but seriously, just because you yourself have never personally felt oppressed as a woman or even as a person, for whatever reason, does not mean that something does not exist, or that someone, somewhere, does not need gender equality, racial equality, etc.
1525407_177368309139082_1001556105_n(Also, as an aside, enjoying sex doesn’t make me a feminist or a slut. It makes me human. And not cheating on my partner makes me a good person, not an anti-feminist. But according to this Facebook page and its followers, liking sex makes you a feminist? Can someone explain this to me? I am confused!)

I guess what really gets me about this page is that not only does it not understand what feminism is or what a feminist looks like, but that often people complain that they have been “repeatedly harassed” on the internet from so called feminists because of what they have said. Well, not that it makes it right, but, may I say on behalf of all netizens, welcome to the internet. I get harassed on an almost daily basis from people on the internet because I am a feminist, which is part of the reason I believe feminism still has a place even in Western society, where so many of these anti-feminists have said it is obsolete. Just by calling myself a feminist, I have opened myself up to attacks on the internet.

(My reaction when someone threatens me on the internet)
And that fucking sucks, and they are mean and hurtful, but you know what, it doesn’t mean that an ideology doesn’t need to exist just because you have been harassed on the web by someone that self identifies as a feminist, an MRA, a genie, whatever. If that were the case, for me, humans should not exist, because I am bombarded on Twitter daily by a whole slew of different people. You could say that you love puppies, and someone, somewhere, would call you a cat hater. Because people who have internet anonymity often suck. There. Now you know.

In conclusion, Women Against Feminism is ri-god-damn-diculous. Its followers claim to understand feminism; they don’t. They claim they are not victims; feminists never said they were. They claim there is no rape culture; there is, clearly they just don’t understand what it is. (See my blog about rape culture, yo.) They claim women are not oppressed; holy sweet mother of mercy would you just like to travel to a different country, like Saudi Arabia for example, for a day, JUST A DAY, and make that claim. They claim feminism is obsolete because we are equal to men; again, travel outside of your own backyard and look at what is happening. No, you know what, even in America when it comes to, oh lets say, the treatment of Women’s health, there’s an issue – stop ignoring it. Stop pretending like there is not a problem.

“I don’t need feminism because I am not marginalised or a victim.” Read as, I don’t need feminism because I have not personally been marginalised therefore no one has because apparently I am the centre of the universe, and the only person that matters.

By that logic, I have never felt like a victim of a racial hate crime. I guess racism doesn’t exist then, right? Right?! Racial equality is obsolete, right?

- J.M.


Hobby Lobby, “Abortion,” & Why The Flood Gates Will Open


I was not going to blog about Hobby Lobby, and the American Supreme Court’s decision that now allows for-profit organisations to opt out of a federal requirement to pay for contraceptives in health coverage for their workers due to religious reasons.

As a Canadian, having my birth control covered by my insurance is a give in. It is something that has just always been that way, ever since I started taking contraceptives when I was sixteen years old. (Because, let’s not forget, contraceptives serve also as regulatory medication for menstruation, acne medicine, and other things). I never gave it a second thought. But after reading more and more about the Supreme Court’s decision, and what it actually means for American women, I decided that I should write about it.

There are some things I would like to address up front from a purely no nonsense, scientific perspective. Birth control is not the same thing as abortion. Hobby Lobby and co. argue that contraceptives, including IUD’s and morning after pills (or Plan B’s) amount to abortion. Well, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but that is simply not how they work. Arguments for or against abortion aside, this is not what emergency contraceptive does. (The adult in me is thanking the Ontario Government for having me sit through all of those sex education classes in school). I should not have to explain it (in fact most people that read this blog won’t need it explained) but emergency contraceptives simply delay the release of an egg so the pregnancy can never occur. Not harm a foetus in development. Thank god for grade six science.

But why should have to pay for your birth control? Look at what else is covered under your insurance, first of all. (Hint: Viagra is one of those things). When it comes to what is covered under health care, basic human health should not be a grab bag where you pick and choose what is necessary and what is not. Just because it is not something that you personally would use (like, for example, insulin, because I am not diabetic), does not mean that it is unnecessary. Seriously. Get your shit together, America.

What does this mean for the future? Well, it’s a slippery slope. Yes, that old saying. Because it is. If corporations are granted more rights than the people that are working for them, issues are going to arise, especially when the god damn government has granted them the freedom of religious expression when it comes to making those decisions. Who is to say that the LGBTQ community will not also be affected very soon because some ass hat says that they don’t want to pay for someone’s health benefits because they don’t support their lifestyle? Only time will tell.

And finally, on a more personal (and some may think, ridiculous) note, being that China has a soft spot in my heart, I find Hobby Lobby itself extremely hypocritical. The so called Christian company buys a vast majority of its products from China, where abortion is not only very legal, but you can buy Plan B’s at a corner store. Not only that, but China doesn’t exactly have the best human rights record. I guess Hobby Lobby’s Christian conscience is not overly concerned about how the workers are doing over in China working 16 hour days for fuck all pay (probably because they’re Chinese).

Don’t for a moment think that this court ruling will not cause other corporations and businesses to come forward and try and set the human rights clock back another fifty years, because that is exactly what is going to happen, because people are stupid all the time everywhere.

End rant. It’s been a long day.

The Men’s Rights Movement; or, How I Learned to Stop Hating and See Both Sides

The Men’s Rights Movement (or MRM, as it will hereafter be referred to as), is an important movement in my opinion (shock)! It has raised discussions on important topics otherwise commonly brushed off by North American society. Issues that are often ignored, including father’s rights, higher rates among male homelessness, and male rape, which often goes unreported, making it more difficult for men to come forward out of fear that they will either not be taken seriously, be called a pussy, or less than a man. I think the MRM is important.
As an avid feminist (and therefore, according to the internet, a man hater), I often find myself having to defend my stance on the MRM, and the movement in general. I will admit, when I first heard about the MRM, I was baffled. Why did men need a movement? It’s not like they are the ones that have been, and continue to be, marginalised by society. I did not understand it.

I didn’t understand it because of the internet. Every time I found myself on a Men’s Rights forum or reading about it, it was always negative. The only thing the MRM seemed to be concerned about was destroying feminism, and discussing how feminism had destroyed the natural (whatever that means) hierarchy in society. I was angry. The MRM didn’t need to exist. Not if that’s what it was.

I became vocal about my feelings shortly after a student at my own Alma Mater was attacked outside of her home because of her stance against a MRM guest lecturer coming to the university. I was pissed off, as you can imagine. If this is what the MRM was, it had to be stopped. I made a point of visiting MRM forums, such as r/mensrights and the like. I was appalled. The only physical goal the MRM had was to destroy feminism, and everything that feminism has worked so hard to accomplish. It was a misogyny filled nightmare, and I wanted it stopped.

But then I did a little more digging. It turned out that the real MRM, the one that existed outside of the internet, was a little bit more than woman bashing and feminist hating. The MRM dealt with a whole slew of issues, from adoption to domestic violence, rape to military conscription. I was, once again, baffled. Why were there two roads of the MRM? Why was the only thing that anyone ever paid attention to negative? These were certainly issues that needed to be addressed, issues that, as I already said, are commonly swept under the rug. Why all the negative attention?

Well, the negative attention is mostly because yes, there are two roads to the MRM, one vehemently anti-feminist, the other working along side feminism to accomplish and discuss these issues and reach a common ground. Unfortunately, the internet (read as the worst place on earth to discuss anything logically), is mostly dominated by the former, taking up forums on Reddit and websites like, which claim to be part of the larger MRM. It’s no wonder that anyone who has ever dealt with someone that claims to be a Men’s Rights Activist (MRA) is left with a splitting headache and a disdain for the whole movement. When the whole of the portion of the internet is dominated by people who care about nothing more than woman hating, in the guise of the MRM, of course people are going to hate you.

And they’re going to write about you.

And they’re going to try and take you down.

So why am I, a feminist, writing about the MRM? Well, because I feel like it is misunderstood, at least in terms of its importance in North American society, and it’s the internet’s fault. If real MRA’s did a better job of bringing understanding to the table of what they were actually trying to accomplish, a lot more people would be on their side, or at least give them the time of day. And they would realise that feminism and the MRM have common goals. But instead, they let forums on the internet dominate the sphere of the discussion, muddying it up with woman haters and people that don’t actually care about the goals of the MRM.

And that is why I, initially, hated the whole idea. I wasn’t about to let a bunch of whiny punks that didn’t understand how the world works run feminism into the ground because they equated feminism with man hating. But luckily for us, it’s just a bunch of idiots on the internet that are doing that. And they are a vocal group, much more so than any radical sect of feminism, in my opinion.

So, what’s to be done?

Well, firstly, if  you find yourself talking to an MRA, hear them out. This should be common courtesy for anyone, but I feel it needs to be said in this case. Because just like the word feminism has a negative connotation thanks to the internet, so does being an MRA.  In my personal experience it has been overwhelmingly negative talking to so called “MRA’S” on the internet, but sometimes you get surprised by someone that actually knows what the movement is about and they care about the issues at hand.

Secondly, the MRM needs to do a better job of making themselves vocal. Stop letting idiots take over your movement with nothing more than hate. It’s detrimental to your movement just like radicals are to any movement. Distance yourself from those people.

That’s what needs to be done with any movement. The movement itself needs to distance itself from radicals. The MRM has not done this in any way shape or form, and it doesn’t seem to be trying, but it needs to.

These issues are important. They can’t be ignored, and they certainly should stop being muddied by people claiming to be for the movement, but in reality want to moan and groan about another movement that they themselves don’t understand. Just as I, a modern feminist, distance myself from those who are not really feminists but rather misandrists, I suggest real MRA’s do the same with those who find nothing better to do than complain about feminism.

Because no one is going to want to understand you if they think you’re spewing nothing but hate. Trust me, I’m a feminist. We have a bad rap, too.

End Father’s Day


I know a lot of people don’t Twitter. But I Twitter. A lot. It’s a great place to discuss ideas and meet new people (read as, it’s a great place to get called a bitch or a whore and lose your faith in humanity). 

Anyways, #EndFathersDay was in the top four hashtags trending in North America today, and people were raging about it.

Like this:
Screen Shot 2014-06-13 at 5.29.46 PM
and this:
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but the reality of #EndFathersDay was much different. It would only take a quick internet search, or even a search through the trending hashtag itself, to see that no one was supporting this hashtag, save for a handful (literally, maybe five to ten people) that were calling for Father’s day to be put to an end.

Because it is a gendered holiday that celebrates the patriarchy and blah blah blah #feminism #issues. Doesn’t matter. What matters is, that if one actually took the time to run through people utilising this particular hashtag, they would see that practically 99% of the people using it were opposed to it.

So where did it come from?

Of course, because people by the hundreds of thousands were utilising this hashtag, it was trending. That’s how trends work. People use a hashtag enough, and it becomes a trend. But who started it? Well, 4chan of course!
“What the fuck is 4chan?” Well, it’s just a funny website on the internet, really. Much like any other funny website. But instead of pictures, 4chan uses text to tell stories, some stories often taking unexpected and hilarious turns. 4chan has a reputation of hijacking other websites. Seriously. It’s on wikipedia. Wan’t to see? Ok.
Screen Shot 2014-06-13 at 5.42.32 PM

So 4chan decided to fuck with us, basically. And they succeeded. They baited the Twittersphere, and people took the bait. Hook, line, and sinker, people by the thousands retaliated with angry tweets decrying the hashtag. The hashtag that, if anyone cared to look and notice, was only being “seriously” utilised by a handful of twitter accounts. I put seriously in quotations because if one were to do a little sleuthing, they would see that they fall into one of two categories. Fake troll accounts, or people just trolling in general. And even then, the numbers are maybe a dozen. I myself saw only two tweets by two people that were serious about ending father’s day – and one of them was most certainly a fake account.

So why does this matter? Who cares if something is trending on Twitter, it’s only the internet. Well, it matters because immediately it was used as an argument against feminism. Of course, because only feminists could come up with something as ridiculous as #EndFathersDay. The reality is, you see what you want to see. People that take issue with feminism immediately took up arms against it citing the hashtag as an example of how far feminism has fallen. Without even looking to see how the hashtag started or even to see if people were serious about it, people in droves renounced feminism as an evil, that must be scourged from the earth.

And this is why I hate people.

I hate people because they refuse to do any research before opening their mouths. They refuse to look beyond their own self interest before reacting to something that falls alongside their agenda. Everyone is guilty of it. I don’t care what “ism” you identify (or don’t) with.

Today’s trend has been an exercise in hilarity for me. Because if there’s one thing the internet is good at, it’s overreacting. It just further proves that people will always see what they want to see, and how knee jerk reactions to something like a hashtag on twitter can be bundled up with whatever your personal agenda is for the day.

Congratulations, 4chan. You got us. Not all of us, though.

What is Rape Culture?

Rape culture doesn’t exist. It is a convenient buzzword invented by radical feminists to justify their hatred towards men because they have penises.
False. Rape culture is not a buzzword. Rape culture was not invented by “radical feminists.” And it sure as shit exists, whether you like it or not.

I shouldn’t even have to write about rape culture. Society in no way shape or form should deny its existence. But yesterday, when someone on my Facebook claimed something equivalent to the above statement, that was when the metaphorical straw broke the camels back for me. I decided then and there that I was going to write about rape culture, even though I shouldn’t even fucking have to.

Here’s the thing about rape culture. It has always existed. And, it is more than just one thing! It’s a whole slew of things. Stay with me, because I am about to give you a lesson about what exactly rape culture is.

Rape culture exists outside of the normative discussion of feminism in North America and the handling of rape cases and victim blaming. (I will discuss those things later.) Rape culture, in fact, is extremely prevalent in war time, often used to be psychologically damaging to an enemy side. An excellent example (and the only one I will discuss) of that is the Japanese treatment of women in Korea, Thailand, and China during the Sino-Japanese War and World War II.
Chinese and Malayan girls forcibly kidnapped by the Imperial Japanese army to be “comfort women” for Japanese soldiers. (image source: wikipedia) 

During the Japanese occupation of Korea, Thailand, China, and other places in South East Asia, women were forcibly taken from their homes (this is not including the amount of rape and murder that happened outside of the kidnappings) and forced to be “comfort women” to soldiers. What does that mean? You could use your imagination, but I will explain it for you. It means that these women were repeatedly raped by Japanese soldiers in war time. To “comfort” them when they were away from their own homes and families. Torture and beatings were common amongst the comfort women, and at the end of the war, only 1/4 of them had survived out of an estimated 20,000-400,000, however most were left infertile due to sexual trauma or sexually transmitted diseases.

Why am I telling you this? Because this is classified as rape culture. This is a case in which rape was normalised in a society, merely because it was during war time, and the ideas of violence and “masculinity” were running rampant. It was normalised within the group at the time.

But, rape culture also exists outside of this ethos. Today, as we see it in North America, rape culture takes on a different form. In the case I listed above, most people would either be horrified to have learned about it, or argued that because it was during war time, the rules were different (hence making it rape culture)!


Horse shit like this ^ is problematic for me for a lot of reasons. Rape culture, at least how we in the West understand it, is not the normalisation of raping – but, IT CAN be. And, as I demonstrated during war time, it has been. Like I said, there are many. Different. Aspects. To. Rape. Culture. Who knew!

Rape culture as we see it in North America mostly exists with the handling and aftermath of rape cases. This is seen through the treatment of the victim. If the victim was a woman, often questions like “well, what were you wearing?” are asked, which is indicative of rape culture. Why? Because it takes the burden of blame off of the rapist, and puts it on the victim. They wouldn’t have been raped if they weren’t drunk. They wouldn’t have been raped if they weren’t wearing a skirt. They wouldn’t have been raped if they weren’t walking alone at night. I don’t think I need to tell you this, but…

Whew. I don’t usually use caps lock, ever. But today, I have made an exception. Because a lot of people do blame the victim. A lot of rape cases don’t get reported because the victim of said rape is afraid that they will be blamed for it, or shamed for it. And it is no way indicative to one gender. Male rape goes unreported more often than not because of the pressure society puts on victims! Oh, you got raped and you’re a man? You’re a pussy! You must be gay now! How can a girl rape a guy!? Isn’t victim blaming fun!

In North America, people are often confused with the term rape culture, thinking it means that society (i.e. you) or the culture we live in is the cause for rape. That is not true when we are discussing the handling of rape in North America. Unlike the example above of comfort women, where that behaviour was condoned, normalised and done in the open, this is done by society marginalising victims after they have been raped and brushing off rapists with shit like “boys will be boys.”

And of course, this is problematic. It is problematic for everyone, and for a lot of reasons. These kinds of reactions to rape cases, questions that marginalise victims and normalise rape, blame the victim for being a slut and the rapist for not being able to control themselves. She got raped because she was a drunk hussy, and he’s a boy, what could he possibly do? He can’t control himself. Some sort of leftover puritan guilt card played by idiots that don’t know any better, and an argument popular with seven year olds.

Rape culture is a lot of things, and it exists in many different spheres. Through victim blaming, normalising rape, and using rape as a means of psychological damage to a society, rape culture continues to exist today. But, I’ll tell you what rape culture is not. It is not man hatred. It is not a buzzword invented by radical feminists who want to man bash. It is not fake.

Don’t let them trick you into thinking that rape culture isn’t real.